Acceptance: A Learned Behavior

“We cannot change anything until we accept it.  Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

~Carl Jung

When my left-handed son was in kindergarten, he was the designated milk boy.  He would collect his classmate’s money, keep track of each child’s preference, purchase the milk from the lunchroom lady, and bring the milk back to the classroom.  He was awarded this coveted position because he could be counted upon, not only for his accuracy (and pity anyone who tried to trick him about whether they ordered white or chocolate milk), but because he was incredibly responsible.  A bomb could have gone off in that building, and he still would have delivered the right milk to the right person, given the correct change, and deposited the milk crate; all in perfect order.

It was no revelation that by first grade he had developed a reputation for being decisive. But, what initially appeared to be a contradiction occurred when he was told to choose either a Christmas tree or a Chanukah menorah to color. He picked both.  The teacher told him that he could not celebrate both holidays; he had to choose one or the other. In no uncertain terms he informed the teacher (who later apologized for displaying so much ignorance that a six year old held her in contempt) that in OUR house, we celebrated both.  He colored both papers . . . outside the lines.

That is how we raised our children; to respect and appreciate all aspects of their heritage.  And as the spring holidays, Passover and Easter, came around again, I was reminded of how important it was to teach them tolerance through our family’s multi-faceted traditions.  We also taught them that their background was an important factor in making them who they were.  However, what was more important was how they treated others regardless of what THEIR background was.

And, that is what is sorely missing when anti-gay activists so vehemently condemn those who ARE gay.  Somehow, they did not learn the very basic human and Christian principle of treating others as they would like to be treated. 

The lesbian couple at the center of the fight for same-sex marriage in California relates that all they really want to do is get married.  They say what those of us who are accepting know to be true; they are like everyone else.  Only in their case, they are not.  They have spent years waiting for a decision about their fundamental right to marry. Meanwhile, they have gone on with their lives; they’ve been attending soccer games and school functions and raising their children.  Now, after over eight years together, the last of their children have headed for college. They’d like the opportunity to just be like any other couple.  They want the benefits that come from a legal union. They want to live their lives quietly and in peace.  And, they’d like to see a movie now and again (1).

I’m guessing that this loving couple raised their boys pretty much like we raised ours.  They sent them off to school for a good education. They made sure their boys were fed healthy, nutritious meals. They bought the boys clothes, toys, and books. And, said “no” as many times as they said “yes,” trying as best they could, to help their sons become decent human beings. 

Their lives and the lives of thousands of other same sex couples who seek equal protection under the law, have no impact on any other marriage.  Yet, there are those who feel that they should be denied equality simply because they ARE a same sex couple.  Those who oppose equality evidently did not learn acceptance from their parents; they learned the oppression of condemnation. 

Acceptance IS a learned behavior.  And my left-handed son has learned that lesson well.

This year, he spent Passover with relatives in New York.  Amongst those in attendance was his great aunt.  She undoubtedly regaled him with stories of how his mother used to sneak wine from the table as a toddler, how his parents’ marriage broadened the concept of acceptance in our family, and how his father, with twelve years of Catholic education as a foundation, conducts a wonderful Passover Seder.   Change has been accepted in our family.  And, condemnation has no place at our table, at anyone else’s, or at any celebration.  It has no place either in New York, California, Illinois, or anywhere else in this country.  Accepting that is liberating

. . . And I’m just a mom who loves her son(s) . . .

(1)  http://news.yahoo.com/ap-interview-couple-reflects-gay-marriage-071309256--politics.html

Previously published in www.thequ.co