Not the Real Housewives of Hinsdale I Know
A Hinsdale native's response after reading about the Facebook group "Real Housewives of Hinsdale."
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I should start off by saying that I have a strange love for Bravo's "Real Housewives" franchise. Can't get enough of it—I love Andy Cohen; I love the Countess; I love Sonja and her love life; and mostly, I love Lisa VanderPump and her dog, Giggy. I used to be solely devoted to the New York and New Jersey versions, until not one but four people pointedly told me that I really should be watching the Beverly Hills show. My friends must know me well. Those crazy gals might just be my favorites.
This morning, though, a friend sent me an article about a group of Hinsdale women who started a Facebook group called the "Real Housewives of Hinsdale." Since the article went up on TribLocal (and later on the Chicago Tribune homepage,) the group has amassed 1,678 fans on Facebook, and people seem pretty intrigued by the RHOH (as they refer to themselves.) Posts on the page range from fashion critiques of other Hinsdale residents to snide remarks about some women's plastic surgery overindulgence. The page's Information section says the page "is just for fun! If we can't laugh at ourselves, then we are really NOT living life to [its] fullest!" I wouldn't argue with that last sentence, but the first one seems a little misleading. After all, they're really just laughing at other people, right?
Maybe it's my nostalgia for the way Hinsdale used to be. Unlike some of the commenters on the Real Housewives of Hinsdale page, I grew up in this town. My childhood is filled with memories of a time before A.D.D., before Miller's closed, before the word "teardown" existed, and before Bravo started churning out reality shows (not that I'm complaining about that last one, necessarily). And the way that the RHOH have generalized the women in Hinsdale does not match up with what I saw growing up here, or what I see today.
A RHOH commenter told TribLocal that, to quote the article, "most Hinsdale housewives spend their days the same way ... 'They hang out at Starbucks religiously — the moms sit and talk about how gifted their kids are while the kids throw muffins and run around.'" TribLocal also writes that "some normal, down-to-earth people live there, [RHOH commenter Nancy] Beth said, but they are the exception in what is a 'very socially conscious kind of society.'"
Those comments are what irk me the most about the Real Housewives of Hinsdale group. Of course there are women in Hinsdale who play tennis and start their day at Starbucks and have tutors for their 6-year-olds. First of all, it's obnoxious to assume that all women in Hinsdale have the exact same lifestyle in a "Stepford wives" way—another choice description from the TribLocal article. I know plenty of women in Hinsdale who don't do any of those things. And second of all, it's obnoxious to infer that the women who do do these things should be vilified for it.
It all just seems so ... contrived. Really? Botox jokes as the height of comic genius? The RHOH appear to be imagining a lifestyle to fit the format that they see on television. The description of supposedly gifted kids throwing muffins around could be a description of practically any town in America. It strikes me as cattiness for cattiness' sake, and it's just unnecessary. I'm not saying that people, perhaps especially women, don't talk about other people behind their backs. We all do it. People who claim not to, or claim to be above it are, frankly, lying. I talk about other people far more than I probably should. (My friends will wholeheartedly back me up on this one.)
I am also 23 years old, which is at least a couple of decades younger than the creators of the RHOH page. And the idea of airing my personal opinions about someone else's appearance/husband/wardrobe/bra size/income or anything else on a website that literally anyone, including the subject of the gossip, with a Facebook account can see, is not only completely unappealing, but inconceivable. And I was literally living in a sorority house a year ago, if that gives you any frame of reference.
I am hard pressed to understand why anyone in Hinsdale would want to be seen in the same light as Bravo's Real Housewives. I don't know about you, but watching Kim and Kyle fight in the limo on the RHOBH finale did not look like something I ever want to be involved in. (And yes, I realize how stupid that whole sentence is.) I think the RHOH are trying to come off as classy and affluent ladies a la the Beverly Hills housewives, who include a Maloof and Kelsey Grammer's most recent ex-wife, but the flaunting of money and cheap-shots at friends and neighbors comes off much more like the new-money tackiness of the New Jersey girls—the opposite of class, if you ask me.
I guess my biggest problem with the RHOH page is that it seems to be the brainchild of a small group. From what I can tell, it's the same five or so women posting (at least until the group got some publicity this morning). And having grown up in Hinsdale, I don't see their mentality as the norm. Regardless of the income their family makes or the neighborhood they live in, most of the real Hinsdale "housewives" that I know would be embarrassed to be lumped in with this Facebook group. It's not reality—it's what we see on reality television, which apparently is not enough of a distinction for some people. My reality of Hinsdale is still, for the most part, the small town I grew up in. My neighborhood is still full of people who are genuine friends to each other, and who have been there for each other through good times and bad—but maybe that's just a bonus of growing up on South Adams Street. Among the families that I know in Hinsdale, there are decades-old friendships that are based on mutual respect and caring. If someone in Hinsdale's spouse or sibling or parent dies, or if their child is sick, it's not unusual for friends to organize a meal delivery schedule for that person's family, without the hope of recognition or reimbursement. And situations like that are not rare. Just last weekend, I wrote an article for Patch about Hinsdale's Walk the Walk for Autism, which drew nearly a thousand people from the area. I just can't reconcile the support I saw that day with an image of Hinsdale as a town full of shallow people hell-bent on tearing each other down while rising through the social ranks.
Be honest, RHOH: Would you have created such a group if you weren't trying to emulate the Bravo ladies? That's something I can't get behind—no matter how much I loved watching Teresa overturn a table at the Brownstone to get at Danielle (seriously, if you don't watch the Real Housewives, I'm sorry—but you should, it's hilarious), I would never want to be her. Their lifestyle isn't aspirational; it's barely real. And to assume that most women in Hinsdale wish to associate themselves with an over-the-top reality show franchise is not only false, but embarrassing.
I'm not trying to say that Hinsdale is some haven of peace, devoid of any and all "keeping up with the Joneses'" mentality. There are terrible people everywhere. (Clearly.) And I understand that things like the RHOH are usually in good fun, but now that the entirety of Chicagoland is judging Hinsdale based on one article about one group of women, I think I (and, from what I can tell, many other Hinsdale residents) are justified in feeling a little irritated. Maybe it's time to change the group's name, from the "Real Housewives of Hinsdale" to "Five Women Who Happen to Live in Hinsdale and Want to Validate the Worst Stereotypes about Their Town." After all, one post on the Facebook page asks:
"Don't you just hate those mornings when someone is at your door with a scheduled furniture delivery you forgot about and you're still in your pink robe on the phone defending yourself to a friend that got offended after you spoke your mind the other night at a girls night out, you still haven't got your run in yet and you need to be at a committee meeting in an hour?"
Actually, I'm not sure many people can recall the last time they've had to "defend themselves to a friend" over something like that. Maybe if the RHOH have so much drama in their lives, they should blame it on themselves, rather than chalking it up to a side-effect of living in Hinsdale.
TC
11:24 am on Monday, April 18, 2011
I know and love ladies from Hinsdale (Ironically, from my legendary run as a supervisor at Starbucks), and I feel the need to defend them.
The page not trying to emulate the housewives. The page is satire on what people's perception of Hinsdale is, the actual joke is "If you are from Hinsdale people think (insert statement here) about you, but actually it cant be further from the truth".
If you poll any area that the bravo reality show tapes, no-one would claim that it is an accurate picture of how their area lives. The housewives are a bigger than life caricature of the area, much like this facebook page.
I know the real Hinsdale, it's full of hard working, bright and generous people. I am very thankful for my time spent there. But as a former Downtown Hinsdale Barista I can tell you there are a few Kim Z.'s and Kim G.'s in Hinsdale too. The way to deal with it is the way to watch the bravo show, you sit back shake your head, text your girlfriend or post it to facebook, and that's exactly what these ladies are doing.
Julie Kallas
11:41 am on Monday, April 18, 2011
Hi TC! Thanks for commenting. I definitely get what you're saying, and while I think that a lot of things on the actual Facebook page are meant to be satirical (whether or not it comes off that way), I mostly took issue with the generalizations in the TribLocal article (like the ones I mentioned in my article). Thanks for reading and contributing - I bet you have your fair share of stories about the great people in Hinsdale (as well as the Kim G's - I'm glad someone gets my RHONJ obsession!)
Sara Brown
12:19 pm on Monday, April 18, 2011
My thoughts exactly! I grew up on N. Adams, am 22 and my experience of Hinsdale was nothing like the one portrayed on the RHOH page. Thank you for setting the record straight!
Teri Goudie
12:23 pm on Monday, April 18, 2011
Julie,
This is truly one of your best articles yet. You expressed what I heard dozens of women express this weekend in outrage and disgust. I am so proud that you recognize that your generation would not be who you are today without the stellar example of the moms and dads who call Hinsdale home.
I actually would love to see the whole Housewives concept go away. It is demeaning to women and nothing more than a home for insecurity. The Hinsdale women I know are devoted moms, business owners, journalists, teachers, lawyers, doctors, nurses and devoted community volunteers.
Let's hope that the next time two local women decide to express their creativity, they first ask themselves the question: "How will this make life better?".
Laurie
9:49 am on Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Right on Teri! You said it perfectly. I have lived in Hinsdale for 15 years, and have NEVER met anyone like these women. Some are obviously affected, but not this much! Although I believe that we should all have a great time, enjoy life, and laugh at ourselves, but this Facebook page only accomplishes that for a few people while costing the rest of us our reputation. I was happy to see that they removed the "Why do some Catholic women dress like sluts when going to church meetings?" comment. As a Catholic and member of SIJ, I was highly offended.
As some other posters have commented, my husband and I struggle to stay in Hinsdale for the benefit of our children. The schools are excellent, and we have a relatively safe environment for them to grow up. My husband works hard for our money, and I'm not out wildly spending what he has earned. We have made wonderful friends here, and our community is very generous. I am proud to live here.
Christine P
12:26 pm on Monday, April 18, 2011
Love your article Julie! I couldnt agree more!
stopthismess
1:09 pm on Monday, April 18, 2011
Perhaps these are some of the real house wives of Hinsdale as it is a diverse community with many backgrounds and opinions. They create the character of what the town is today. Some of you - Terri Goudie and the authors mother to name just two - have known some of those who were quoted and I think (hope) you have enjoyed the uniqueness of their personalities over many years as they raised their children alongside yours in this town. Their regret many be that they spoke with a smile and a laugh rather than being reserved when speaking to a reporter.
Julie Kallas
1:46 pm on Monday, April 18, 2011
Hi, "stopthismess." Actually, one of the reasons I wrote this article is because Hinsdale IS full of diverse backgrounds and opinions - and only one was represented in the TribLocal article. The RHOH's opinions are as valid as mine, I just didn't appreciate the fact that they found it necessary to speak for all Hinsdale housewives - which they did with statements such as "[All Hinsdale housewives] hang out at Starbucks religiously ..." I think that perhaps some of those things were said in jest and misinterpreted as serious, but that's the great thing about being able to debate and talk about these topics - everyone's opinion is worth discussing.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
lahdeedah
9:33 am on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
"The Real Housewives of Hinsdale" facebook page is just more proof that these women have too much time on their hands and nothing better to do! They must have gotten tired of cyberstalking their old boyfriends or the girls they were jealous of in high school and thought of this. Growing up in Hinsdale 30 years ago was nothing like it is today...there was no Abercrombie and Hollister, no Starbucks, no competition between mother and daughter, no political strategies used in sports, etc.. I am not offended by this fb page, just extremely embarassed for these people!
Kelly
11:03 am on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sorry Julie but the tribune got it right. My sister has lived in Hinsdale for 20 years and raised her children there. Every time I speak with her on the phone, which is often, she tells me another story about the women in town. They may think they are being funny with the facebook page but in fact, their satire is their reality. I find it amusing from afar but this subset of women in Hinsdale are definitely backstabbing social climbers whose kids can do no wrong (defending them even when their children's names appear in the local police blotter). I'm glad you have had a good experience growing up in Hinsdale. I often tell my sister she must be in the wrong group but I'm not sure there is a group of women in Hinsdale strong enough to counter the venom the RHOH dish out.
Julie Kallas
1:09 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hi Kelly! I understand that you're going by the evidence of what your sister's experience living in Hinsdale has shown you, but I think it would be pretty hard to definitively say that a town is one way or another when you don't live there. The key word is "subset" - my problem with the RHOH is that one small group decided to claim that they were representative of everybody in Hinsdale. I'm not at all saying that everyone is Hinsdale is one way or another, I'm just offering up my own experiences in Hinsdale as an alternative to the viewpoint that was shared with the entire readership of the Chicago Tribune. I think all the opinions that were shared were vaild, but in any situation such as this, it's important to have more than one point of view at hand.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
julie smith
1:17 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
the same women who are "defending theit turf" (hinsdale) are making too big a deal of this. What happens when you make a big deal of something? it makes national headlines, people write about it, opinions are thrown around. No One is right or wrong here.
Everyone just needs to relax. I find this all interesting..it is now becoming a "them against them" scenario. Which is too bad because now Hinsdale looks even worse!
SM
1:45 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thank you so much for writing this article. I'm a freshman in college and my friends and I just got word of this facebook page and we've all been feeling a bit uneasy. I believe that although the RHOH page is stereotypical, one should not indulge in that type of humor unless everyone feels that it is satire (which clearly everyone does not). There are obviously people in hinsdale that act in the "Stepford Wives" way, but that comes with any homogenous neighborhood, especially when it is upper class. To categorize people in such a belittling matter- even if it is for humor's sake- is incredibly disrespectful. Especially when so many of the adults I know in Hinsdale have worked so hard for their money and have taught their children a strong value of the dollar (again, I know some haven't... I'm not about to generalize as I'm condoning the very act), I am hard pressed to pass judgement on the way they spend their time. Every since this page came out I'm some what embarrassed to come home and face whatever debacle this has become. What the people on the page don't understand is that while their comments may be in jest, they do not read that way (I wish I could underline that). Words get lost over the internet and their tone can be completely convoluted. Whatever you type into cyberspace cannot be defended. I just think it's a shame that after finally coming to a point where I'm proud of the town I came from something like this had to come out.
Julie Kallas
2:32 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thanks for reading, SM! It's great to hear that other young readers are interested in seeing what I have to say and sharing their opinions. I'm glad you enjoyed my point of view.
CO
4:32 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I like what you're saying Julie. I'm in my late 20's and grew up in a very different Hinsdale from what is characterized by the RHOH. Since leaving town, I've had to deal with a lot of "you're from Hinsdale you must be rich and annoying" jokes/comments from colleagues and coworkers. The first words out of my director's mouth when we first met was "you're from Hinsdale? Did your daddy get you a BMW at 16?" The town definitely carries a reputation that at times can be unflattering. This facebook group seems to throws fuel onto the fire in my eyes. I think that while the RHOH are taking a stab at satire, the humor is largely lost in translation and it just reinforces old stereotypes.
Juvenal
4:54 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Smart people used to but Mercede's Benz cars because they were well engineered; now dumb insecure people buy them because they have status. Hinsdale is the same way. it used to be a great place to raise a family, now it is a great place for dumb insecure (and rich or willing to stretch to appear rich) people to say they are from. It is a name brand, nothing more......
Sara Brown
5:04 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I disagree completely. Hinsdale was a wonderful place to grow up and I wouldn't have wanted to live anywhere else. I have a problem with the way the RHOH are portraying our town because it's not true of all the residents. There are people in Hinsdale who care about image and wealth, but there are plenty of people who don't. My first car was a 20 year-old hand-me-down from my dad, not a slick new BMW. It seems you've decided that the RHOH steretypes are true, without even reading the above aritcle or many responses. Hinsdale is not just rich people; it's a family-friendly town with a lot to offer. Don't believe everything you read on Facebook.
s
5:49 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hinsdale might have been a wonderful place to grow up but for the people who were forced into the schools there it was a living hell. Relentless teasing if you couldn't afford the latest trends, girls who do nothing but complain about how "daddy didn't get me this or that" bleach blond tanorexics. I'm sure that if you were raised in that society it all seems wonderful and like a great place to grow up, but for those of us who moved close enough to be sucked into that neighborhood from a truly diverse neighborhood, it's a real look into how shallow a population that is capable of doing so much can be. The vast majority of "hinsdalians" disgust me.
Sara Brown
6:19 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
What a disgusting misrepresentation. As a girl who went to Hinsdale schools I'm personally offended by your comments. I am not blond, tan or dependent on my "daddy." Did you even look at the picture of the author? She does not fit your description, as most girls from Hinsdale don't. There are cliques and peer pressure at all high schools, not just Hinsdale. Your stereotypes are not only utterly wrong, but also extremely offensive. You failed to even address the quality of education. I was picked on every once in awhile but the writing and critical thinking skills, as well as the work ethic I learned in Hinsdale schools made my time there more than worth it.
Susan Lyons
7:13 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thanks for a great editorial piece; very insightful Julie .... you represent what we mothers hope our daughters will become in life !!!!!! Susan Lyons
s
7:57 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
@Sara, clearly that "quality education" did you wonders as you did not read the last sentence I wrote which said "vast majority", I'm not saying that everyone falls into that category.... just the vast majority of the one's I have met. I went to that same quality school you did and I regret not transferring nearly everyday. The students at that school perpetuate the stereotype of the bratty hinsdale kids by not behaving differently than their parents and focusing so heavily on drinking, partying, shopping and belittling others. I apologize if I have offended you deeply but honestly welcome to the other side of being at product of central.
Sara Brown
8:17 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
While you did specify "the vast majority" for residents of Hinsdale that "disgust" you, your comment did not make that distinction for your description of the girls who attend Hinsdale schools. As a Hinsdale grad, I still disagree completely with your statements. The vast majority of girls at Hinsdale schools do NOT fit your description. It's unfortunate that you had a bad experience in Hinsdale schools but your personal opinions of your peers should not be expressed as facts about all students who went there.
Christine P
9:02 pm on Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dear "S" if you think the Hinsdale kids are bad you clearly didn't hang out with enough of us Oak Brook kids ;-)
XOXO B (jk I watch too much gossip girl STEROTYPE ME)
Seriously though, as another graduate of the Hinsdale school district I attended both Hinsdale South (freshman year) and Hinsdale Central (soph-senior year) I have been through the transferring school process, both schools have cliques and bullies, it has nothing to do with socioeconomic status, its merely the experience of high school itself! Trust me I was made fun of but I also dished it out, it has made me a who I am today. Which I hope is a (mostly) mature and well rounded person.
Juvenal
1:55 pm on Friday, April 22, 2011
Jon if your fancy pants schooling can't tell the difference between me, a Roman Satirist and poet, and the word "juvenile" then I is very glad I was edumacated on da south side. Represent!
Mary Olson
4:14 pm on Friday, April 22, 2011
Hey, this was a great article and I love all the passion back and forth! Being brand new to Hinsdale area and recently divorced (we moved here for the schools of course. #3 elementary school out of 885 in IL....) I admit I was a bit afraid I was going to feel outcast for not driving a beamer or sending my daughter to school in boutique outfits. People are friendly and very helpful....but it is true. The "average" house is sold at $840,000!!!! My previous community Im not sure we even had a house that expensive...:) All I can say is, so far, so good.
Steve Eilers
4:59 pm on Friday, April 22, 2011
I completely agree with Jon and Sara on these arguments. Every high school has their bullies, their snobs, their nerds, geeks, etc, but overall most people appreciated the benefit of a Central education as well as the opportunities and connections it provided. Sure Hinsdale has wealth, however, it is wealthy in nonmonetary ways as well. If people fall sick, the community rallies to help them. Families with children with special needs go on to create charities to help other families with diverse backgrounds who have children with special needs. Their wealth is a tool to provide and help others as well, and for many families, not their defining measurement of worth.
Even if people came from wealthy backgrounds, the money does not automatically entail entitlement. There are spoiled children in Hinsdale, but spoiled is an attitude, not about having more things than someone else. Some of the most down to earth, caring families and students from Central that I knew were very well off. Their money did not define who they were as people, but rather they held the attitude that money is a great servant but a terrible master.
Most people work extremely hard to be able to have the opportunity and privilige to afford to live in a town like Hinsdale. I don't go a day without thinking about the sacrifices my parents made so they could live in the area, which has provided me fantastic opportunities to succeed through education. I hope to afford to live there someday.
Joey bag of donuts
4:16 am on Saturday, April 23, 2011
Whether the housewives lifestyle be perception or reality, who cares? This is already old news.