Ava Gilbert: Take the Week Off, Mom
Two-year-old Ava gives Kristi's readers her take on Baby Jack, Elf on the Shelf, and her family's New Year's 2012 plans.
Happy holidays, everyone! Ava here, checking in while Mom’s having some much-needed “Calgon! Take-me-away” time.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written you, so I thought I would catch you up on some things from my 33-inch point of view.
I love my new little brother, Baby Jack. He is really soft and cute. He came to live with us in November. Everybody comes to visit him and I like it. I get to show them my room and my ballet shoes. Sometimes they even bring me presents! A lot of nice people have come to bring us food, too, which is good considering I am sick of pizza and fast food. Mom says to try and be patient with her—that she’ll be cooking again in no time. Take your time, Mom, I don’t miss your food that much!
Mommy is always trying to get me to help with changing the baby’s diapers, but I’m not stupid. I’m soooo onto her. Just like when she screams “Weee! Vacuuming is fun!” I know she’s full of it; if it was that fun, our house would be spotless. If you ask me, she’s trying to con me into thinking that housework is fun. Silly woman probably thinks I’ll want to help her one of these days. Not a chance. Too many toys, too little time.
The baby hasn’t interfered with me much. In fact, I like having the little guy around. I try to play with him but he mostly just lays there, making these grunting noises. I can’t wait until he’s bigger and I can start bossing him around. What? Someone’s got to teach him the pecking order!
Mom told me Santa is coming soon so I have to “listen to her and pick up all my toys”— how boring would that be? Just last week, she threatened me with a timeout. So I walked right on over to my timeout chair, sat down, and said happily, “I love time out!” You should have seen the look on her face. Where’s your ace in the hole now, Mom?
Just last week I decided to paint my entire body with my watercolor paints (see picture above). It was awesome. Mom didn't think so, though. She said I looked like an actor from the movie Platoon—whatever that means. It was great until I did it again the next day. That's when she took the paints away from me. So much for that.
Mom even brought home Jingle, our Elf on the Shelf, to help keep an eye on me. Did you know he flies to see Santa every night? Isn't that cool?! All that traveling must require a lot of coffee and Red Bull; Mommy says those are her stay-awake staples. I don’t need any of that, though, especially when the house is stock full of all these Christmas treats! Mom keeps going to all of these parties and bringing me back loads of sweets. She gives them to me but then doesn’t understand why I’m bouncing off the ceiling. Duh, Mom—they’re chalk full of sugar!
I can’t wait for Santa to come and visit us! I hope he brings me lots of toys! Mommy is asking Daddy for an iPad since her computer is “shot.” I sure hope he gets her one because she would love it.
We haven’t gotten much snow. Only once did I see some, actually. I sure hope we get more! I can’t wait to go sled riding with my Dad. He’s crazy and will take me down all the big hills. And I have to remember: no eating yellow snow. I don’t see what the big deal is?
And as for New Years, I’ll be spending it with the “rents” in Michigan with our friends. I can’t wait! There are going to be lots of other cool kids there that I can play with; maybe Mom will leave me alone for awhile and let me hang with my buddies. I’m sure that’s wishful thinking, though. I’m told we’re going to go sledding there, too! I hope they get more snow than we’ve had here!
That’s all for now. I need to catch some z’s. Until next time! XOXO